I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
