last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
