Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
