Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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