Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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