Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
