i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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