She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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