So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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