it hurts more in the daytime
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
