unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
