Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
