you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just googled if crying burns calories
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
