I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
