Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Boobs are out for the taking
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
