margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My cat gives me a boner
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
