New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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