I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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