My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
