Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
