Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
