i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
