My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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