you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
