when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
