I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
