Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
