theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
