i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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