my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
