Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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