Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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