need another drink. this is the easiest way
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
