We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
