I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
