He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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