if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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