I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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