So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
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