I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
