either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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