You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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