Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
