i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
