it wasn't lemon gatorade
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
