Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
