My underwear smells like fireworks.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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