He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We need to get me chipped asap
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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