idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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