You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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