at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
