i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
