maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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