she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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