its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
