So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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